Leave it to the Midway Café to think of something new
Even the Hippie Hour Band could believe this weeks contest
Who could grow the tallest bean in their bellybutton
It was genius and very difficult
No one in the Hippie Hour Band had made the cut
not even the piano player
It was quite an ordeal to be constantly aware of your bellybutton
even though once upon a time in the womb it provided all life
Just the logistics were impossible
It was hard to get the seed to spout
And if you did it was a feat to keep it from falling out
The judges for the contest were Madame Ruby
Her beau, the bank of America CEO
and the Harvard professor of tree lobster fame
The three finalist were all lined up on the stage
Mr. Smiles, the Bali Tree Woman and the youngest of the potato ladies, Blaze
The only criteria for winning was length
And unlike other contests: Size was all that mattered
The third place winner was the young potato lady
She had used her weight to her advantage
Especially her belly which had a ledge enabling her to grow the bean vertically
If girth had counted she would have won
She had the most hardy vine, but it fell short of the two other finalists
All of a sudden the Midway Café fell silent in anticipation
The time had come for the decision
All eyes were on Mr. Smiles and the Bali Tree Woman
Both stalks had measured the same 23 inches
Everyone looked to the judges who had the hard task of picking the winner
The Bali Tree Woman had a large button with sagging breasts
that helped hold the bean upright like a trellis
Mr. Smiles had a very little belly button that held the seed tight
The vine looked like it was an umbilical cord and shot straight out
The Hippie hour band gave the drum roll
“The winner is… Mr. Smiles!”
The whole place erupted as Mr. Smiles danced the old in and out
to the sick belly button beat of the Hippie Hour Band
All had to agree
It was just another day at the Midway Café on Washington Street
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